EPISODE 81: Biohack Your Relationships by Mastering this Key Communication Tool

Episode 81: Dr. Joe Hirsch

By activating people’s sense of self and agency and by focusing on the best moments of their performance, we can build on their success. And when that success is framed in the collective, that’s when we people start thinking more positively, productively and proactively.”

Dr. Joe Hirsch is an expert on leadership and communication. You’ve seen him in TEDx, so many different events helping organizations design and deliver feedback without fear.

Joe makes research-based practices more accessible to improve the way people work, learn and lead. In his book, The Feedback Fix, he presents a bold alternative to traditional feedback techniques and performance management practices.

Watch this latest episode of the Thrive State Podcast for a comprehensive crash course on communication–Dr. Joe Hirsch on biohacking your relationships by mastering a key communication tool of feedback.

Find more @ joehirsch.me

Show notes

The Feedback Journey

Not being able to handle feedback and not knowing how to show up caused emotional blindness.

Why people run away from Feedback

Feedback does affect us neurobiologically—we are tossed into a toxic state of stress. The experience of getting feedback is not only unpleasant but physically debilitating.

People run away from giving and receiving feedback for fear of the unknown. We end up doing a lot of feedback aversion and not a lot of feedback conversion. We approach feedback with fear, hesitation and skepticism. But feedback is meant to help people.

Think of feedback as something to grow from, not only as something to go through.

We take ourselves and these finite games way too seriously. The only thing you should take seriously is your personal evolution and reaching your highest potential.

The 3M Method of Feedback: MINDSET

Feedback is a two-way dynamic, but if we get the giving of feedback right, we can do more service for the receiver.

Align these things to give feedback right:

1. Mindset – Come to terms with the fact that the past is unchangeable. Orient yourself towards a future that can evolve. The sooner you make the shift, the sooner you can be positioned for growth, not fear.

“FeedFORWARD” is strengths-based, future-focused feedback that doesn’t dwell in the past— a place of possibility and potential. It is where human potential evolves.

No man ever steps the same river twice. This universe is changing eternally. So you’re never stuck.

The 3M Method of Feedback: MESSAGING

Stop serving a praise sandwich—a diminished message. It serves neither the giver nor the receiver. Praise, when rooted on effort and process, pays and is a powerful motivator. But the problem is when you sandwich it—you dilute the message.

Praise sandwich dilutes trust and tarnish the relationship between the giver and receiver of feedback.

The Feedback WRAP

Feedback WRAP (What and where, Reason, Affect and Prompt) is a four-part plan for having more candid, caring and collaborative conversations confronting issues that matter when they matter most and it delivers the information in a just-in-time fashion to help people’s determination to change.

1. What and Where: Give your feedback a zip code. Be really clear about the intention—let people know very clear what are you going to talk about.
2. Reason: Tell your reason to give people awareness and a sense of security or certainty.
3. Affect: Think about impact, not judgment, describe not prescribe. Focus not on what they did but on how others experienced it. Name it, not blame it.
4. Prompt: Shift from telling and selling to listening and learning.

Feedback becomes a partnership, a two-way dialogue. Always ask for permission to share a feedback, move it on a neutral ground.

The 3M Method of Feedback: MEASURE

Best way to create accountability is to create self-accountability. Help people take charge of their own path of progress.

As the giver, encourage the receiver to look back at their goals and check back in to reassess. Feedback will happen more frequently and fluidly.

Being a mirror-holder for people receiving the feedback shifts the dynamics from “doing to the person” to “doing for the person.”

Feedback becomes a partnership, a two-way dialogue. Always ask for permission to share a feedback, move it on a neutral ground.

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